Today, between running errands and doing some work, I squeezed in an hour to go on the wild wild web.
It was the infamous 'Book Of Face' this time, and lo and behold - I randomly found myself following a live car chase for over an hour. The chase started in Tarzana, and covered a wide range of neighborhoods in Los Angeles, going towards Compton, through Torrance, and other neighborhoods I have never visited around the city of angels. I was watching thanks to ABC Live cam that was following the chase from a helicopter. WHY was I watching this for an hour, you ask?!? IT WAS FASCINATING. Better than most stuff on Netflix, really. I never thought I would be so hooked onto something like this, but this car chase got me goooood. See, the car, a grey ford fiesta, tried to escape the helicopter's view, and the highway patrol police cars chasing it, and was making extremely dangerous moves like driving in the opposite side of the road, speeding up to 110 mph, driving through red lights, and so on. It was like watching an episode of 24; Adrenaline pumping, thriller drama, with sirens and danger at every corner. This chase's twists and turns would shame some of our biggest box office action plots, in fact. The most fascinating moments to me, were the ones in between the speedy chase; When the car - and obviously, it's reckless driver, seemed like he thought he could 'get away with it', and casually blended with the other traffic. From the bird's eye view,I could almost see the way this driver was thinking - his moves, and his pauses, and his last minute u-turns and search for alleys, were suspenseful and engaging AF. It was as if I was following a criminal's mind. And as a storyteller and an overly analytical person, my imagination was soaring; Was this a stolen vehicle? Was he mentally ill? Drunk? Did he have ANY plan whatsoever? Did he commit a bigger crime than driving like a maniac, which is why he was, well, driving like a maniac to escape getting caught!? Did he really think he could get away with it!? I mean, did he NOT notice the helicopter circling him for more than an hour!? Watching that car chase, was like seeing Hubris in action. *I've seen this 'type' of hubris before, when someone thinks they can get away with a crime. I've seen it in some people in my life that were... narcissistic much and had the 'special' syndrome. The "I get away with anything" types. Personally, I find it to be a hideous sentiment, so I try not to spend too much time with people who have such a special vision of themselves. It's eSPECIALly toxic, in my opinion. Unfortunately, narcissists are a growing breed, and many of them occupy the city of angels, darn. But perhaps Covid-era will flatten the narcissism's curve a bit. One could only hope.... but I digress. Back to the action packed car chase: Observing this particular hubris, from a bird's view, made me empathetic to the guy. Made me slightly root for him to get away! I mean, he was taking so many risks to achieve his goal (thankfully no one was hurt) and I, like all of us movie-watching-21-century-zombies, have been indoctrinated to expect a happy ending for a protagonist. And having the helicopter zoom in on this driver and his grey Ford Fiseta - sure made HIM the hero of the moment. Which brought me to think of responsibility. See, the helicopter was following every turn this driver made, and zoomed in on him from every angle, with much interest. A lot like a storyteller focused on his story's hero. Well, so would you think the helicopter's pilot has a similar responsibility so many of us in the entertainment industry have when accused to be 'glorifying villains', 'advocating for crime or violence', and so on? Where does 'The Hero's Journey' fit in the real world story telling vs. the fictional world? And could we even change the narrative in the real world, if we wanted to? Or are us humans wired to be 'hooked' as I was, to anyone trying her hardest to achieve her dream, even when it's a crime? Stories of life, and stories of imagination are so often intertwined. I will continue asking these questions in my own work as a storyteller, and also as a person in real life. At least in this 'real life' story - the driver escaped and no one got hurt. So.... all's well that ends well? Perhaps.
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Dear Control,
Boy, you are heavy to write to. Heavy to think about. Heavy to want. And heavy to lose. You almost always stand by my side, as my watch dog, my bodyguard, my anchor, and sometimes - my prison guard. Our sort of S&M relationship started years ago. When I was a child, possibly even a toddler, I don't recall our first meet up, but I suspect it had something to do with me wanting to dig in my food with my own hands, instead of being fed by a spoon flying at me like an airplane with my smiling mother's face guiding its way. For years, right up until a week or so ago, I thought it was Independence that sparked that and other examples of defiance. I glorified my so-called 'rebellious streak.' But lately I realize, independence, may have just been your cover up. A kind of mask you wear, for people like me to deny your existence, and thus, let you 'run the show' more often. SMART. And a tad....manipulative. Yes, I am calling you out on that, my dear Control. You may have gotten to me then, and many times since, but I'm on to you now! Self awareness has finally kicked in and it won't be the same again. Sure, you must be laughing reading this. To you, I am a pathetic little prey to your manipulative spider legs wrapping me up and squeezing me tight with your little fingers. Congratulations Control, you have done your part very WELL. So well, that I wasn't even aware of how much you have lead my life. My sense of safety is linked to you, my independent lifestyle is your making, my strange O.C.D's are your artwork for sure, and both my fears and my drive, are often all encompassing by you. You are a drug I can't resist. Always there tempting me to take you on, giving me satisfaction like nothing else. But when I lose you.... oh, when I lose you, dear Control, something else pops in. Joy, calmness, surrender. Those are not your alleys - y'all don't understand each other much, and yet I am the bridge between you all. So, why am I writing to you now Control? Do you have your claws in this seemingly innocent action as well? Am I ruled by you at this very moment? If I peel the onion of this letter, what's underneath it? I think it's surrender. When I surrender to you Control, with awareness, and with Joy and Calmness by my side, you lose the grip on me. Not entirely, of course. Parts of me, the control-freak parts, would rather be your soldiers at every and any occasion. But other parts.... other parts are finished with you, and would rather bid you farewell than keep taking you on. Other parts of me simply feel better when you are not around. My shoulders are lighter, my smile is larger, my joy kicks in. This isn't goodbye, Control, don't freak out on me now, I know your freak-outs all too well.... It's 'Salut.' It's 'Au-Revoir.' It's 'See ya later alligator.' We'll meet again you and I, I'm sure. Probably tomorrow at some point. Maybe even tonight. Maybe in the moment I 'send off' this letter to you. But for now, adios. Don't freak out, just go gently into the night, and give me some rest of you. After all, I have been a loyal disciple, it's time for me to take a break. A break from control. Sincerely, Yours truly. When a volcano erupts, it leaves behind a large amount of long term effects on the climate. If people come in its way, they can be killed or have their lungs severely damaged from falling ash. Volcanos can cause other natural occurrences that have their own streaks of effects, like rain, thunder, and lightning. When tsunamis arrive, the force rapid increase in water levels results in flooding, and the large waves attack coastlines, cause property damage, and unfortunately sometimes take human and animal lives. Earthquakes bring along with them massive destruction, and can cause other natural disasters like landslides, tsunamis and fires. Fires play a major role in renewal and change to our ecosystem and climate, but also cause massive destruction and loss of life. Nature brings upon its disasters as the force of nature that it is, to bring upon CHANGE. That change is sometimes ugly, and cruel, and frightening. And sometimes it is a rebirth to a cleaner, gentler, fresher new perspective. I am hoping the corona virus, a sort-of natural disaster of our time, brings with it the latter, a collective rebirth of sorts. A rebirth of minds, of kindness, of healing and the realization that us humans are all connected to each other. In our mortality, in our losses, and in our creativity, and in our gains. *Art: 'Meditator' by Kat Smirnoff katsmuralart
In this new era, there is one word that has taken on a new meaning for me.
There are probably others, but this one has been screaming at me loud and clear: RISK According to the gods of google's dictionary, RISK is a...: ~(noun) A situation involving exposure to danger. I suppose it isn't hard to guess why the concept of risk has come up for me. The pandemic has brought along some real danger, and some perceived danger. Infections have been rising rapidly in Los Angeles over the last few weeks, so being exposed to danger is REAL. But the array of perceived fears floating around, like 'Will my industry survive this crisis? Will I get Covid from groceries? Is the government looking to put a chip in my brain? Is Bill Gates behind this?! Is Fauci!? Is the president taking control of this country? Masks will kill me! "They" are trying to control us!' Sure, some of these are full-on debunked conspiracy theories. But nonetheless, they come from perceived fear. And be it real or perceived, fear forces us all to do mental gymnastics and weigh in on whether we'd take a risk. Whether it's about shaking a hand of a stranger during Covid (shocking that some people STILL do that!), using a public restroom, going to a party - an INDOOR party, (really people, are you nuts?!?) braving an airplane during this crazy time, and many, many more daily wonderings involving risk. I used to think of myself as a risk taker, as someone who likes to face my fears. Takes pride in it, really. But in this new era, I often find myself on the side of caution, re-evaluating if a risk I'm up against, is worthwhile. Sometimes I loosen up and feel my fearlessness rise up again (It's so missed!), and other times, I am way-too-safe-to-be-sorry like when I was wiping down every grocery item with a disinfectant for the first couple of months, and leaving delivery packages outside my home for days. Yes, I really did that. It's... work in progress, and every new 'risky' situation confronts me with my own fears and whether they are real or perceived. This may take a while, but in the other side of this era, I will be braver, and once again, I will call myself with quiet confidence: a risk taker. Update on a previous post titled 'Grease Is The Word.'
I wish I could tell you I approached my homeless neighbor, offered him some food, or sunscreen, or a comfy pillow, or cash. I wish I could tell you we became great friends and started exchanging music playlists with each other. I wish I could tell you that I found out his name, and it is something elegant like 'Sebastian', or 'Alexander', or 'Leonard.' I wish I could tell you that we wave to each other every morning, and I call out to him from my window 'Good Night' every night. I wish... But sadly, I cannot. See, over the last few days, I've noticed a change happen to my neighbor across the street. A subtle change. A change in music, here and there. Suddenly there were some less-than-pleasant tunes coming out of his tent. And some loud coughs, here and there. Not too worrisome, but coughs these days are literally THE PLAGUE if ya know what I mean. I noticed some more trash around his usually neat tent, here and there. And today - a woman, seemingly a homeless woman, sat near him, and the two discussed SHOOTING UP so loud, that I could hear it from my second floor window. Could it be that they were talking about something other than shooting up drugs? Yes, it's possible. But after seeing what goes on in the nearby streets in my neighborhood... it's not likely. Would I still go and approach the man, carefully and with distance (after all, the COUGHING...ouch) and do that neighborly gesture I was planning on? Probably. But my fantasy of the 'Kind homeless neighbor' got a bit tainted suddenly. And boy do I rather live in a fantasy... especially when the reality seem grim and deeply concerning. Wish me luck as I tip toe my way across the street, from the comfortable fantasy of my second floor window, to the troubling reality of the tent in the street. A song without music,
Is like meditation without breathing, Or food without flavor. It's rainbows without colors, And magic without mystery. Imagine love without a heart, Or a poem without a poet. Like a play without an audience, And a violinist without her violin. It's a yin without her yang, Or heads without tails. It's a day without its night, Or a night without a day. We live in between the opposites. Between the yay to the nay. There is a whole world out there, in between. Evening dresses, cocktail dresses, chic jumpsuit, another twenty seven chic jumpsuits in all the colors of the rainbow, high heels, very high heels, boots, cowgirl boots, extravagant jackets, 1940s dresses, jewelry for days, hats for any occasion, flashy tights, leather jackets, business suit, ethereal gowns, bikini, and another, and another.
My closet is FULL of clothes I can't wear. So what do I do? I wear them anyways. At home. By myself, for my cats, for my boyfriend, to gaze at myself in the mirror, to dance in my living room, to walk with high heels to the grocery store, to wear a bikini around the house, to wear another bikini while taking a bath with a homemade margarita in my hand, to sport fancy earrings for a Zoom date, to wear a flashy tropical hat for a walk around my block. Home is my own personal runway these days, and I Loooooove it all. Do you dress up for fun these days, even when you have nowhere to go!? How to stay mentally sane in 2020?
You can't. Even a psychopath would get affected somehow by the outpour of CraZyyy that has come down on us this year. But I figure trying to stay sane is a good use of my time, so here are some of my tricks to Staying Mentally Sane In 2020: *Daily routines. This is really important. Find whatever daily routines work for you, and then honor them. DAILY. Is it making your bed in the morning and changing your clothes even when you work from home? Is it working out daily? Meditating daily? Is it taking your vitamins daily? Is it cooking with your family daily? Is it journaling? Is it jogging? Is it writing a daily blog? (ahem, yes!) Is it making a schedule of your day even when you are unemployed? Whatever daily routines you make - KEEP THEM. *Self Care. I feel so grateful that I started with self-care about a year ago, when I noticed my habit of being a workaholic. It was tough at first, to allow some ME time purely for the sake of being peaceful, calm, and nourished. But I quickly started seeing the benefit of it, and continue to see that now. For me, self care is drinking juice daily. It's taking epson salt baths often. It's meditation. It's playing video games. (yes yes in moderation...) It's puzzling. It's doing something creative for the pure fun of it. It's going out to nature. It's writing. It's homemade face masks. It's incense. It's candle lights. It's homemade dinners. It's calling my loved ones for a chat. How do you self-care? *LIMITING news time. Easier said than done, I know. I get almost addicted to the news these days...is it a form of masochism!? The news are hardly ever positive these days. Sigh... But knowing what's going on in the world, settles me a bit. It gives me a much needed false sense of control. I should have underlined the word false. Limiting my news intake helps me remember that I have no control anyways, and to try to let go and find happy moments within this new challenging reality we are all facing. *Gratitude. Being in attitude of gratitude literally shifts your brain! I write five things I am grateful for every morning. Some days those things just roll right out on the page... other days, it's harder to feel grateful, and I usually strip it down to the most important: I am alive. I am breathing. I am healthy. I am whole. I am loved. Try writing your five things daily, you'll feel a shift and relief almost instantly. Key is to focus for a moment on that thing you are grateful for. Let it fill your heart for a moment. It feels soooo good. *Humor! Find whatever makes you laugh, and LAUGH OUT LOUD. Is it a sitcom on Netflix? Is it zooming with some of your funniest friends? Is it tickle parties with your spouse? Finding humor in difficult moments is incredibly human. We laugh and cry, cry and laugh, laugh and cry and cry and laugh. Humor gives us perspective and is a whole lot of fun. I recently watched Will Ferrell's Eurovision movie, it was silly, it was goofy, it was FUN. *Therapy/Counseling/Healing If you are fortunate to have resources for a therapist or counselor, GO TO ONE! (I mean, virtually, duh) This is a challenging time and it's beyond okay to ask for help. Healing is a process that can take years.... start now. If traditional therapy doesn't work for you, how about talking to a friend? Finding a church to belong to? Maybe group therapy is your thing? Or maybe a more holistic approach like acupuncture? Whatever you do... it's all about being open to look inward and seek help. When I think about the plague of narcissism that has spread rapidly in recent years, and suicide, depression, and domestic violence rising in certain circles... the importance of mental and emotional health echoes loud and clear. It's never too late to seek help, and it's not weak to be vulnerable. It's actually quite brave, and it will open new possibilities of deeper relationships and understandings. It does for me... *Giving Back. How do YOU give back? Maybe by donating funds. Maybe by donating time. Maybe by being engaged in your community in some way. Is feeding the homeless a thing that moves you? Is offering free mediations or yoga on zoom to people more aligned with you? Is it by making phone calls encouraging people to vote? Is it by canceling rent on your tenant for a month? Is it by watching over your neighbor's dog while he's away? There are countless way to give back. Find yours. *Get A Dose Of Nature. I mean, the color green actually centers you! (Did you know that's why desks in schools are often painted green!?) Breathing fresh air, and appreciating nature has been a huge help for me this year. I am lucky to live close to the beach, and seeing the sunset on the ocean is a deeply grounding experience for me. Walking barefoot on the sand does it too. And picnicking in a park, or venturing into a waterfall, or going on a challenging hike...they all make me feel better instantly. So go hug a tree! It's safer than hugging a human right now... *Work out! Look, you already know that working out elevates dopamines in your brain. By that, it improves mood, motivates you to be more productive, and makes you feel happier. Not to mention it will help getting that beach body you want. I mean, don't you want to come out of Covid era being in the best shape of your life!? I do. *Love Tell your loved ones you love them. Enjoy the love they give you. Know you are not alone, even if you are in isolation. And love yourself. It's a cliche BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. ;) Lastly, I don't claim to have 2020 'down' and know how to stay mentally sane whatsoever. I'm not even sure if I AM mentally sane right now, but I am compelled to share what works for me. It can change tomorrow, which brings me to the most helpful trick I have: *Be Adaptable. Grow your skill of adaptability. So you can roll with the punches. So you can make a challenging time like this one - a wonderful time to re-set and grow. I develop my skill of adaptability by trying new things, by facing fears, by staying with discomfort and seeing its affect on me. This year has given us all a lesson in adaptability. How are you doing with that, friend? As if living in America wasn't devastating enough these days, hearing the news of what goes on in my
country of origin, Israel, has been tearing my heart apart. The freelancers, the artists, the small business owners, the dreamers, and the creatives there, have not been receiving adequate financial help from the Israeli government through this difficult time. Shutting down for FOUR MONTHS (and counting) without proper help!? Hundreds of thousands (in a country of only 9 millions) are hungry, on the brink of losing their homes, their livelihood. Their dreams are all shattered. Their world is turned upside down. It's aggravating seeing and hearing the despair in their words, in their cries, in their marches. They're desperate. They're gutted. They're feeling abandoned by the country they used to love. Despair. 'Tis the absence of hope. How do you turn around such a despair-filled sentiment like...despair? I don't have the answer. Do you? In my own life, I tend to drift away feelings of despair as fast as I see it. As a devoted optimist - despair is one of the most uncomfortable human feelings for me to experience. Yes, I know, it's a privilege to be optimistic. But I also have the gift (and curse) of being an empath. And I have been feeling loads of empathy for the countless of people in their desperate plea for help right now. I cry with them. I feel their rage. I go to sleep thinking of their pain. Of OUR pain. And I don't know what to do. I am helpless about it. Optimistic, but helpless. How do you bring about hope in a hopeless situation? I don't have the answer. Do you? For about a week now, I've been hearing some freakin' awesome music coming from outside my apartment.
Mostly iconic 90's rock, some Queen, Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, and even the opening song of 'Grease' which put a smile on my face hearing it totally out of the blue. I thought to myself, 'oh my French neighbors changed their taste in music quite a bit... I like it now. huh. 'Guess Covid changes people even more than I thought...' but then I realized: the music was coming from a tent across the street from me. A tent that a homeless man set up a couple of weeks ago. At first I have to admit, I was unnerved to see the tent and the man. There is a growing number of homeless people in Los Angeles in general, and particularly in my neighborhood. And it is heartbreaking to see, and also stressful to live around, especially in times of a growing pandemic. But quickly, I started seeing the man in different times through my window, and I grew quite fond of what I saw: Every morning, the man opens his tent, and sets up a blanket, a folding camping chair, and some personal items. He does his thing, occasionally talks to people, and plays some AMAZING music. At night he puts all his belongings back in the tent and secures his bike nearby. He is neat, clean, and seems in good shape. If I would see him on his bike somewhere, with his sunglasses on and rather conventional clothing - I wouldn't think for a second that he is homeless. Occasionally, when I hear him talking to passers by, I get a hint of a mental illness of sort. I'm not sure what, but he has something, that's for sure. But I also pick up on his kindness and rather healthy way of living - considering he is living on the streets. If you followed up on my previous posts regarding my neighbors growing up...it wouldn't be surprising to you to know that I'm not the most neighborly. Years of animosity from neighbors have scarred me, and I may have put up a bit of an invisible shield. I generally keep to myself and at best share a smile and a 'hi' with neighbors. But this neighbor struck a cord with me, and I plan to approach him and be, for the first time in my life, neighborly. And yes, he may not be living in my building, or own a home next door, or share my zip code on paper... but in a mere week he had been more of a neighbor to me than most. Be kind to your neighbors...right? I will keep you posted on my soon to be new friend. |
AuthorIn April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling. Categories
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Header Art: Daniel Landerman |