Help! Do you think it's possible to do TOO MUCH self care!?
I'm really asking. Like, for realz. Today I took a day trip to nature (because, well, self care) and then I had some delicious donuts (because, you know - self care), took a spa like bath with candle lights and all that bang (because duh - self care) and I am now chilling with my feet up on the coffee table wearing my fave sweatpants after my sweetie just hand me the dinner he made for us. (You guessed it - SELF CARE) This lil' workaholic chic have turned into a self care junkie. Like, really. I came a long long long way since before the pandemic and now I am beginning to think maybe I should it tone it down a notch...? Yes, it's still a global pandemic, and yes the city I live in has really just become the epicenter of the virus in the WORLD, yes the news is stressful AS FUCK right now and people are truly suffering and getting hungrier by the minute. So sure - I can tell myself many reasons to turn up that nozzle in the bathtub, and have another bite of that donut, OR I can do whatever is in my power to exercise my humanity and give voice to my compassion by helping some people in need. And that? That is not self care. It's simply 'Care.' I'll be making meals for some hungry families in my community, through this awesome program called 'Lasagna Love.' This is only one - there are plenty of other ways to care. What's yours?
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The title says everything you need to know:
Cat 1: Hey. Hey you. Cat 2: You talkin' to me? Cat 1: I don't see anyone else here. Do you? Cat 2: Do I what? Cat 1: Never mind. Beat. Cat 1: She did it again. Cat 2: Did what? Cat 1: Kissed my forehead like she was my motha'! Cat 2: Oh. Cat 1: Fool thinks she's all that! Cat 2: Yeah. If you let her go at it, she'll give you a treat. She always does! Cat 1: She is so predictable. Humans are so lame. Bo-ring. Cat 2: But you know what they say... Cat 1: 'They'? Is this another one of your conspiracy theories dude? Told ya to chill with Youtube. Cat 2: Can't help it. I mean, you know we made it famous. Cat 1: Not us. Kittens. Kittens made it famous. We are has beens. Might as well move over to Myspace if that's still a thing. So you were saying? Cat 2: I was saying what? Cat 1: I don't remember. Cat 2: Remember what? Cat 1: Never mind. The dictionary tells me that:
HOPE (noun) is...: * 'A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.' At first glance, nothing in that definition looks surprising. After all, we all use hope on a daily basis. At least I hope we do. But in a second look, the word that jumps up at me in that definition is the word 'feeling.' If we know anything about feelings, is that they change. Often. Track your feelings throughout the day, get very precise with their evaluations, and you'll likely spot yourself feeling many feelings and changing them as often as thoughts pop up in your brain. Feelings are fleeting. Hope isn't a characteristic. It isn't a state. It's a mere feeling. And as quickly as it appears in you, it can quickly vanish. The Israeli anthem song is called 'Hatikva'. It means THE HOPE. It's a poem about the hope of the jewish people to return to the land of Israel. A hope spanning 2000 years. A poignant line in the poem is 'We haven't yet lost our hope'. Key word is YET, because of how fleeting hope is. The anthem speaks about the need to hold on to HOPE in our hearts, and I think we all collectively got a taste this year of how challenging that can be. (IF you want to know more, you can read up about the anthem here) The challenges brought up by Covid have also presented a test of holding on to hope to many people. Me included. Some moments - my hope chart is in full speed and can run a marathon on its hopefulness batteries! Other moments are full of... dread. And stress. And well - hopelessness. But thankfully, as fleeting as hope can be... the feeling of a lack of hope is also - just as fleeting. Do you listen to the wind
When it shrieks at night? Do your fingers numb When they touch the snow? Do you burn your tongue When you sip your tea? Those are only some Of the happenings of winter. There is also the chilling grasp of cold that freezes the spine And the cuddles in the comforter And the wool socks And the ugly Christmas sweater And the old shovel And the fluffy hat And the everything soup And the hot chocolate And the whiskey, late at night. I sit on my sofa With the sun against my face, And the door slightly open And the fresh air coming through. I sit and long for winter, Somewhere far away. 'You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.' ~Rumi When I think about this quote by Rumi, I instantly feel expansive. The boundaries of my body seem to disappear a bit, and I start feeling the air around me as, well, myself. This mantra reminds me of the connection between myself and everything else. We are all made of the same materials, in a quantum level, no? So what is really the difference in substance between myself and another person/animal, or even between myself and an object in front of me? If this sounds too shanti-babble for you... you can also interpret the quote as a change of perspective: your thoughts design an outlook, so turn the thoughts on their heads for a different outlook. The quote also refers to the relationship of the individual to the rest of the world: Are you a mere insignificant speck in the world? Or is the world 'your oyster?' Clearly, the most memorable quotes are the ones with multiple meanings. So take this mantra and make it your own. 'Cause you know - you are the entire ocean in a drop... Image Credit: Anton Maltsev
They say Karma's a BITCH. (I know, who's "they" right?)
I say - Karma's BULLSHIT. Sure, I am well aware this is an unpopular opinion. But this is my blog and I can say whatever I want on it. (freedom of speech and blah blah blah) So this is an unpopular opinion because the mainstream pseudo-science enthusiastic crowd would love to believe that people get what they deserve and that there is some moral code to the 'universe.' Most people I know would rather live in a world of moral justice that is superior to our actions. Fuck it, I would rather live in a world like that. But I don't. I live in a world where: NO, what comes around DOESN'T always comes back around, and sometimes bad things happen to GOOD people, and yes, some things actually happen totally randomly and NOT for a reason. But don't be fooled.... if you think I am dark or negative with my 'Karma's Bullshit' outlook, bear with me some more: I choose to live in world of moral responsibility, while also having curiosity to find opportunities for growth in everything, yes, even in BAD things that happen. Does that make me delusional? It can. At times. But at least I am not delusional enough to think I don't have to hold myself or anyone else accountable to our own actions. People who follow the 'Karma's a bitch' model, tend to rule out others' bad behavior as 'they'll get their way, karma will take care of them, don't worry about it' or even - 'karma's a bitch' believers could potentially think that their morality is just even when it's not. So, for example - you got away with stealing once? Oh, well then - karma doesn't apply for you. your are SPECIAL. (ah the curse of 'special', don't get me started on THAT...) Believing in karma conveniently takes off our responsibility for our own moral justice code, with the disguise of some pure spiritual shanti-babble. NO, there is no moral code to the universe. (or at least there is no evidence of that - you know, that good ole' thing called 'science'!? Look it up karma people!) Believing in karma - is no different than believing in a bearded old man sitting on the clouds dictating who is good or bad. RECLAIM your own moral code, 'cause karma? Karma is BULLSHIT. There's something in the air.
I mean, aside from the million of Covid-infested droplets floating from persons to persons. There's something in the air that strangely resembles hope these days. It started a month ago with the U.S election results for Joe Biden, and continued with the phenomenal vaccine news which is now a reality as vaccinations began being distributed to American health professionals as swiftly as yesterday. It is long from over, this hectic year. The year that will be studied in history lessons. The year that we will all remember when we are old and wrinkly. 2020. WHAT THE FUCK OF A YEAR. And no, it is not over and we will see for years to come Covid's affect on us all. But for now, let us feel (from 6 feet distance, yes?) the breezy joyful feeling of what could actually be HOPE in the air. Breathe in the new sense of possibilities. Feel hope's relief. Smell its joy. And after a long year, begin to see the light at the end of the virus. I remember nothing. Nothing from that day on the pier.
I stare at the photo of me and my lover, our hair blowing in the wind, smiling from ear to ear, the Mediterranean sea is peaceful behind us and our tan lines are peeking out of our incredibly dated swimsuits. The back of the photo is captioned 'Capri 1981.' I recognize the writing. It is mine. But everything else is beyond a blur. Everything else has simply gone completely out of my mind. As if it was never there. Where did the years go? Where did my mind go? Where did this ole' lover of mine go? I check out my old self's physique in the photo. My perky breasts. My smooth skin. My skinny arms. Those all went away somewhere as well. I see hints of them in the mirror, when the shadow of my old self pops for a visit. I turn my glance to look at the bathroom's mirror. Is my old self there? No. She is not there. She is not there at all. Where did she go? I sink down on my mother's bed. It is soft. Too soft. I've told her to replace that old mattress. I told her her back aches would thank her. She never did. I shake my head in disapproval. But she is not there to hear my critical grunts. She is not there. She is not there at all. I close my eyes for a moment, with the photo still in my hand. This is where my mother went to sleep. Every night. Every afternoon at precisely two o'clock. This is where she'd wake up every day and reached for her glass of water on the nightstand. I see there is still water in that glass. There is still water, enough for a sip. One sip for an elderly woman who is not there. She is not there at all. I feel the green duvet against my nose, and take in a whiff of scent. Grapefruits. It smells like grapefruits. Citrus scents are not my preference, but this one? This one smells nice. It smells like my mother. I take another whiff and notice the floodgates come pouring down. Tears are streaming down my face involuntarily these days. I don't wipe them away. I let them fall where they may. One drop falls down on the photo in my hand. It staines the shoulder of my ole' lover. A shoulder I cried on many nights. And some nights I caressed lovingly. A shoulder I don't know anymore. A slightly freckled shoulder. Or is it a coffee spot I see? Time blurs and time stains. Time dissolves like a bath bomb in a pool of water. Like salt in a hot oily skillet. Like tea dissolving in boiling water. Like my mind putting together pieces of my past. I walk out of the room with the photo in my hand. A piece of my past that I'd like to remember. A piece of my past that my mother remembered. A piece of my past that my mother held on to before she left. There is a different type of 'Yes Men'. Or women. Duh. Or non binary. Or animals actually.
But lemme get to the point. THE POINT IS: If you are a creative person - then you are... a person. Any person is born creative. And there are a million ways to be creative. No, correction: there are INFINITE ways to be creative. And they're not all art related as it is likely to assume. Science is a very creative field. Academia is as well. Works of labor require creativity and over-all getting through this thing called life means we use creativity SOMEHOW on a daily basis. So back to my point...: Find yourself your person or persons that will be your 'Yes people.' The one, or ones if you are lucky, that will say yes to your wild dreams, to your risks, to your creative failings as well as your creative successes. The ones that encourage you to go forward, or deeper, and fail, and fail, and fail again. They are committed to your growth like you are. Some 'Yes People' may have reservations or offer advice at times in your life... they may not be your 'Yes people' at all, or they may be 'Yes People' that also have a strong desire to protect you. Sometimes it will be for good reason - and they'd be good, VERY GOOD friends literally protecting you from a blind spot or worse. Other times - they'd be projecting their own fears on to you. Learn to spot the difference. So when you are embarking on a new creative journey and need encouragement, motivation and support - you'll know to ask your full-on 'Yes People', and if you need the critical eye to challenge you and your choices - you'll turn to the 'Protective Yes People.' They may not say YES to you all the time... but they'll give you an equally important point of view - they'll help you see all facets of your creative journey so you can approach it with more nuance and perspective. 'In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.'
~Shunryu Suzuki Boy did 2020 reinforce the importance of Beginner's Mind or what!? Yes. Yes it did. For me it did: I've been meditating daily and putting into practice the art of literally clearing my head, I've started some new hobbies, some new habits, some daily routines, I've taken new classes (Zoom has been a pleasant surprise in most), been a newbie more than once, and expanded myself to approach things from a place of POSSIBILITIES rather than the know-it-all I have always took pride in being. How do YOU wake up every day like a beginner? Do you walk the streets and see with the eyes of a child; open, fascinated and inquiring? Do you try new things and see what comes up with the discomfort of not knowing the ropes? Do you quiet the mind enough to give room for new possibilities - greater than any you've imagined before? |
AuthorIn April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling. Categories
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Header Art: Daniel Landerman |