Hope and Mickey are sipping their cans of Guinness.
MICKEY: This is the life. HOPE: As gross as I remember it. MICKEY: YOU had Guinness out of a can before? HOPE: Oh yeah. And you may not believe it but I wasn't always vegan either. MICKEY: You're right. I don't believe that. You probably came out of your mother's womb with a celery stick in your hand. HOPE: Um, it was a carrot. (beat) So. Is my truck eighty six? MICKEY: Not totally. HOPE: Just sort of. MICKEY: Basically, there are metal shavings in your engine so if you turn it on it will just make it worse, and eventually the engine will die out on you. If we had a hose or something, I could just go to town on it and then we let it sit, let the water drain and it should be good enough to get thirty or so miles in 'till the nearest town. Oh and we'll need some fresh oil. Guess we could pull some from my car... And that's only if the water gets drained out and takes the metal with it. But... we'll need a hose for that and finding a water hose in the desert is like a needle in a haystack. (beat) And that's the best case scenario. HOPE: What's the worst? MICKEY: The whole thing is a done deal no matter what we do. HOPE: Shit. MICKEY: Yeah. HOPE: So I guess we either find a water hose in this sad little corner of the desert, or... MICKEY: Or? HOPE: Scream for help. MICKEY: I'm no math wizard, but I say the chance of finding a hose right now is close to... HOPE: Zero point three percent. MICKEY: And the chance that someone will hear us screaming is... HOPE: Zero point... seven percent. MICKEY: Okay then. Hope and Mickey clear their throats and begin shouting-- HOPE: HELP! MICKEY: HEEEEEELLLLLPPPP! HOPE: HELLO!? HELP! MICKEY: ANYBODY? HOPE: HEEEEELLLP! MICKEY: HELP US!!!!! HOPE: OH FOR FUCK SAKE HEEEELLLLPPP! (beat) MICKEY: I don't think it's gonna work. HOPE: No? I was just starting to get a sexy raspy smoker voice on. MICKEY: Your voice is sexy already. (beat) Sorry. Don't mean to embarrass ya. So I'm thinking maybe... maybe we get some rocks and write 'Help' so any airplane flying over us could see? HOPE: Have you seen any airplane around here? MICKEY: Right. HOPE: And you didn't embarrass me. I found your car mechanic talk pretty sexy also. MICKEY: Yeah? HOPE: Yeah. (beat) Okay, so... how do we get someone to see we're stranded out here and help us get outta here? MICKEY: Oh! How about a fire? HOPE: You want to start a fire in the desert after I just saved you from one!? MICKEY: Stupid idea. Forget it. HOPE: Unless... we could start one over there and manage it. Like a controlled fire, just enough of it so the smoke will reach the gas station on the highway. MICKEY: Smart. HOPE: But I think we'll need to have water to actually manage it. My tears are not going to be enough. MICKEY: I'm a fairly good crier also. HOPE: Are you? MICKEY: For a dude. But don't ever tell my dad. He'd beat the living crap out of me. HOPE: Because boys don't cry. MICKEY: Never. We're tough. HOPE: And strong. MICKEY: And manly. HOPE: And know your way around cars. MICKEY: And got muscles. See? HOPE: You're a mighty impressive man. MICKEY: You haven't seen nothing yet. HOPE: That's what I'm afraid of. (beat) MICKEY: I'm just joking. You know I'm joking right? I'm a teddy bear, honest. And I love romcoms and cry in diaper commercials. HOPE: And your favorite movie is 'Princess Bride.' MICKEY: It is. HOPE: But then... your dog's name is Steel. You smoke like a chimney. Drink Guinness because alcohol is "your vice". Know everything about cars. Kiss like a major player. MICKEY: And I breakdance too. HOPE: Really? MICKEY: No. I wish, but I got two left feet. (beat) I guess I like people to think I'm tough and all that. But I'm really not. Maybe I have a bit of a... what you call it... inner conflict. HOPE: We all do. MICKEY: Yeah? What's yours? HOPE: If we end up dying here together - you'll find out. To be continued...
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Hope is holding on to her head, thinking...
HOPE: (to the audience) You know that bizarre feeling when someone sees right through you? That's what he is doing right now. Mickey - or whatever his name is - is seeing THROUGH me. As if he was IN my body. Twirling around my veins and blood vessels. Teasing my beating heart. knocking on my mind, banging around in there. Nagging me to death. It's giving me a migraine. HE is giving me a migraine! I gotta... gotta get out of this place. I think the heat is getting to me. HE is getting to me. If I could only escape this moment a tad longer... And just then, a flamboyant BURNER type dressed in a unicorn costume passes by. HOPE: (to the audience) I must be imagining still. (to the burner) Excuse me, are you a figment of my imagination? BURNER: Depends. HOPE: Depends on what? BURNER: If you'd want me to be. HOPE: I don't know what I want. BURNER: That's pretty obvious girlie. What's less obvious is why would you create me to state the obvious? HOPE: Well OBVIOUSLY I am not very sophisticated. BURNER: Obviously. HOPE: Not to mention I am not the most original. I mean... a unicorn? BURNER: It's a symbol of purity. HOPE: Okay so now I am not sophisticated, not original, AND in major denial about my sexual past!? What is happening? Really. If you are here to send me a message from my self to myself.... get on with it okay? I got places to be and people to see. BURNER: You mean you are going to Burning Man after you got kicked out of your apartment because you didn't pay the rent for three months. HOPE: I didn't pay the rent because... BURNER: Because your landlord is a douche. I know. HOPE: He's the scum of the earth. BURNER: Yeah. But he's a scum with a place to live. You? You are literally living in a crappy ice cream truck in the middle of the desert and about to let some weirdo see your sorry ass life. And you are freaked out about it 'cause you actually like this guy, so instead of getting to know him or worse - GETTING HIM TO KNOW YOU - you are talking to an imaginary unicorn who looks like a homemade craft diy project some fourth grader made. Jesus christ, couldn't you have at least given me some wings!? HOPE: Woah. Tell me how you really feel. BURNER: I'm telling you how YOU really feel. HOPE: Shit. BURNER: Now excuse me while I go back to the ethers of your soul. The burner rides his way off the stage. HOPE: (to the audience) I must be dehydrated. MICKEY: (to the audience) Look at her. The angel of my life... thinking. She looks so....hot. And smart. She's WAY out of my league. Thing about me is I may be a fuck up, but I know to count my lucky cards when I see 'em. Not sure what I did to deserve this beauty, but I don't plan to fuck it up. I gotta stay cool. Stay cool like ice cream I wish she had in that truck of hers. Purple glittery ice cream from the Gods! HOPE: Okay I'm done thinking. MICKEY: Oh? HOPE: I mean I am taking a break from thinking. It's too hard. My brain is overwhelmed. Did your... dog finish the rest of the water? MICKEY: Looks like he did. HOPE: No. MICKEY: I think yes. HOPE: NOOOOO. MICKEY: I got some Guinness. Would you like some? HOPE: That is disgusting and yes please. To be continued... HOPE: (to the audience) I lose myself in this moment. His arms are holding me, and his touch is soft and gentle but also stern and protective. Like a teacher, guiding me somewhere I've never been before.
It scares the shit out of me. So I drift in my mind to a world of 'What If'. When I was little and my dad would beat my mom - Yeah, he did that too. Plenty of times. Once he threw her down the stairs, a bunch of times he slapped her. Beat her with his belt. I think that was his favorite way. Sick fuck. One time I remember he swung a pan over her head in the kitchen, I saw the whole thing while I was eating cereal. Her head bled for hours. I put a Mickey Mouse band aid on it. She smiled at me. She loved Disney as much as I did. Anyhow, when he'd beat her, I would drift away and start wondering 'what if.' What if I was an actual Disney princess, And I'd have to live in Florida and hug hundreds of kids every day. Or 'what if' one day we'd wake up but the morning wouldn't come. And it will stay nighttime forever. Or 'what if' school was up in the sky on a cloud, and us children would slide on rainbows from cloud to cloud to get to class. Or 'what if' my dad went away and never hurt my mom again. What if. So in this moment, with this unnamed man holding me like a fucking princess, I think to myself 'what if I had no fear? And I wasn't busy, and I could get into....a thing with this guy. What if? What then?' Well obviously I'd take him to Burning man on a flying carpet. We'd be high on life and love and dance in the desert and our bodies would gravitate towards each other like magnets. It'd be something like this: SET CHANGE: We are now in Hope's fantasy. The bare desert now morphed into the 'Burning Man Universe'. Mickey and Hope, in costumes, are letting loose dancing, laughing, loving. MICKEY: I am lost in a dust storm and her name is HOPE! HOPE: Aw sweetie hold tight 'cause I'm gonna save ya. Save ya from the Burning Man! They are falling into the ground, laughing, giggling, loving like there is no ego, and there is no tomorrow. MICKEY: You are so beautiful. Thank you for taking me to this magical place. HOPE: It wasn't me. it was GOD, remember? MICKEY: How could I forget. An angel sent to me from the stars to show me how to love. Tell me, what star did you drop in from? Is it the one on the right? The bright one that twinkles near the milky way? Or did you travel through time and thousands of galaxies to meet me? HOPE: A lady must never tell where she comes from. MICKEY: Or else? HOPE: Or you'd find out she's not a lady at all. MICKEY: I doubt that. HOPE: ...Because you're in love. And breathing in a lot of dust. MICKEY: Yeah it tastes like... happiness. You could tell me anything and I'll adore you. Forever! HOPE: Hmm what is IN this dust you've taken!? MICKEY: Nothing but pure minerals that you, I, and the rest of humanity came from. HOPE: 'From dust 'till dust.' You are more religious than I thought. MICKEY: Does that scare you? HOPE: No. Yes. I don't know. MICKEY: Hey, without GOD I'd have no HOPE. HOPE: You are sweet. And I wish I could tell you all about me. The fucked up place I'm from. The dark stuff I've seen. The mistakes I've made. The mistakes I probably will make. MICKEY: What's stopping you? We are in your imagination. You can tell me whatever you'd like. (pause) HOPE: Oh I don't want to talk about the past. There is no past! There is no future! There's only now. Let's breathe in some more of this magic dust and join the parade of unicorns on the playa! A parade of burners in unicorn costumes passes by. Hope leaps to her feet to join, taking Mickey along with her. They are hopping, dancing and following the festive parade that is circling across the stage. MICKEY: So this is basically a giant rave! HOPE: What? MICKEY: I said THIS IS A RAVE! HOPE: Oh NO! Not at all my friend. It's a society re-invented and you've just been incepted. Now quit thinking and get lost in the rabbit hole! MICKEY: Does the rabbit hole have to include non-stop jumping? HOPE: Oh yeah! As high as you possibly can! MICKEY: Dear lord. Can we... can we chill for a second? HOPE: Um... yeah, sure. (to the paraders) Bye! Love you all! Mickey slurps to the ground, catching his breath. MICKEY: Thank you... you seem to have a lot of fun doing that. I didn't mean to stop you. HOPE: It's all good. I'll catch up with them later. MICKEY: 'Cause all the hopping... the jumping... the weird arm movement you do... you're like the most adorable dance bunny I've ever seen. But I get what you're doing. HOPE: Okay Sherlock, and what's that? MICKEY: I know I'm just a figment of your imagination, so I'm not gonna object to any sort of escapism you wanna do. (beat) But you know you can't escape your past right? HOPE: Okay 'Yoda!' MICKEY: Don't be mad at me now, I'm only saying what's on YOUR mind. HOPE: Shit. (to the audience) Sometimes 'What if' doesn't work. I might as well just face reality. SET CHANGE: Back at our bare desert location. And back at the moment of Hope & Mickey's glorious kiss. MICKEY: Hmm... your lips taste like... heaven. Hope laughs. HOPE: And that's a good thing I hope? MICKEY: You 'hope.' (beat) Yes. Yes it is. A good thing. (beat) Where were you... a minute ago? HOPE: What? MICKEY: When we kissed, it looked... like you were dreaming, or something. HOPE: Um d'you open your eyes when you kiss!? MICKEY: Nah. I mean.... Sometimes. HOPE: Okay, that's not creepy at all.... MICKEY: I wanted to see you. See what you look like when you kiss someone. HOPE: And what do I look like? MICKEY: Beautiful. And...sad. I don't know why but you looked a little sad. (beat) I'm sorry, I know it's not the most romantic thing to say. But I was.. just wondering. Why a beautiful goddess like you would ever be sad? It don't make sense to me y'know? HOPE: Could we hold on a second and just... chill. All this personal talk... is making me dizzy. I, I need a second to think. Hope moves away and THINKS. MICKEY: (to the audience) Here I am with my big stupid mouth again. I don't know why I keep doin' this. Is this some sort of, what it's called... self-destruction? My buddy Jim says I do that a lot. He says that's why I drink. He says that, and then I say 'no fucking way dude' and then we argue about that for some time and by the end of it I tell him to shut the fuck up and give me another drink. He's a good friend. (beat) I hope she's thinking about how much she likes me. I hope. To be continued... Hope SPITS into her palm and reaches it toward Mickey.
HOPE: Shake on it? MIKEY: I'm all about exchanging fluids, but... I'm a bit of an old fashioned guy. Mickey moves close to Hope and KISSES her. A long loving kiss. HOPE: Hmmm... MICKEY: I agree. HOPE: My GOD. MICKEY: Told ya he's real. HOPE: 'He?' Why is it a he? MICKEY: He. She. It. Doesn't matter. You're here and that all I care about. HOPE: This is fast. MICKEY: Yeah. Like lightning from heaven. HOPE: Lightning can kill you. MICKEY: And bring you light. HOPE: But it can kill you. MICKEY: Sure. It can literally light you up. Like fire. HOPE: You're not listening. This... is fast. I don't know you. You're a stranger. You could be a killer! A serial killer! Wanted for murders hiding out in the desert. MICKEY: (laughs) I could. HOPE: You could! MICKEY: But I'm not. (Beat) I'm really not, Hope. HOPE: Look, I have...uh... trust issues okay? It's not you, it's me. And I don't mean it like a lie, like they say in television. I mean it for real. I'm not really cut out for... for whatever this could be. Yes you are hot, and a very, VERY good kisser. But let's just leave it as that. I don't know what's going on in your life. But I am... busy. Very busy in my life right now. I don't have time for... MICKEY: For love? HOPE: For a... thing. (Beat) MICKEY: Okay. HOPE: Okay? MICKEY: As you wish. HOPE: What? MICKEY: 'As you wish, princess buttercup.' That's from... HOPE: Princess bride. Yeah. I know. It's just my favorite movie of all time. MICKEY: No way. Mine too. (Beat) HOPE: FUCK! Hope reaches and kisses Mickey again. HOPE: No! I have to be strong. Could you... why don't you just put a shirt on or something? Cover yourself up, you'd get sunburnt. Mickey points to the ripped burned shirt on the ground. HOPE: Oh. Right. Well, when we get into town we'll get you a shirt. And then, yeah, then we'll get you a tow truck so you could come back and take your car...or what's left of it. And I'll be... I'll go off my way. MICKEY: (To the audience) That CAN'T be what she wants. (To Hope) Is that what you want...? HOPE: Yes. No. Yes. Oh, fuck it. Hope jumps into Mickey's arms for another KISS. To be continued... HOPE: (to the audience) He may not be a murderous serial killer. And he doesn't seem to have even a mild dose of psychopathic tendencies... but he's a player all right. And he's definitely playing games with me.
MICKEY: Look. What we got here... this.... chemistry. I don't wanna mess this up. I wanna get to know you better. Like, this is gonna sound crazy, but I think God sent you over to me to show me he loves me. Hope breaks into laughter. HOPE: No, it's.... it's okay. I just, um. Is that a line you use often? MICKEY: hm? HOPE: The whole 'God sent you over to me....' Like, d'you say that to all the girls? MICKEY: All the girls that take out the fire in my car but light up the fire in my heart? HOPE: (bursts out laughing) Ha! You see, that! I mean, that's too much man. Like what happened, did you attend some workshop on how to be a MAN, you know, some dude who thinks he's all that teaching you how to pick up girls? MICKEY: No. HOPE: How many girls have you tried that with, seriously!? Because it DOESN'T work. MICKEY: You're the only one. I'm sorry if it wasn't... to your liking. HOPE: Shit. Okay. Didn't mean to laugh, it's just... MICKEY: ...Funny. I understand. (beat) I'll just go fix your car and get you on the road. Mickey goes towards the hood of the truck and starts working at it. HOPE: Shit. I'm sorry, okay!? I... don't know why I laughed at you. I mean, I didn't laugh at you. Or with you. Just... I laugh sometimes when I'm nervous. MICKEY: Oh? HOPE: Yeah, and when God is mentioned. I'm not really... I don't think I believe in God. MICKEY: You don't think. HOPE: I mean, I DIDN'T. Until I had that mystical experience with the fire and now I'm just, I'm fucking confused, okay?! And it's hot! And you're hot! And I'm hungry and guess I'm getting hangry and antsy and nervous about this whole thing, okay? (beat) MICKEY: I'm hot? HOPE: I should probably do some more yoga. That'll clear my head. MICKEY: I'm hot. HOPE: I'll just put my mat right here. Facing the sun. Do some sun salutations... MICKEY: HOW hot? (beat) HOPE: Ninety nine percent. MICKEY: I like you too. HOPE: No games? MICKEY: Never. To be continued... In despair, Mickey turns to the audience:
MICKEY: (to the audience) And there it is. The moment my heart breaks into a million lil' lousy pieces. I shoulda known that'd happen. I should have. I can't choose between my love and my dog. He's my best friend, my partner in crime, my... everything. Thanks a lot "GOD" or whatever the fuck you are up there in the clouds playing with my heart like that! I should have known you'd tease me with love just so you could take it away. Some "GOD" you are. I shoulda known this would happen. Just like with Shelly in fifth grade, or with Joanna who dumped me 'cause I wasn't 'the one.' She has three kids now. Should have known. Luck of the draw... some people get whatever they want, like Joanna. Some get a gold platter of white fence, kids, "the one" or whatever, others like me, get shit. Get PLAYED. I shoulda known. Shoulda. It's my bad. All of it. Wish that car woulda burn to the ground and take me down with it. Hope moves closer to Mickey: HOPE: I mean, I haven't been diagnosed or anything. MICKEY: Oh? HOPE: Yeah, It's just, like, I've always "been allergic." You know? Like, I'm allergic to mushrooms, and sandpaper, and the sound of chalk on the wall - ew, or the touch of velvet - yuck! Like, things I don't like - I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually "allergic" to. MICKEY: So you don't LIKE dogs. HOPE: Um, no, not really. MICKEY: Not even a little? HOPE: Um... I'd say, not. Like, I, how do you say it, I... I hate them. MICKEY: Wow. HOPE: Yeah. MICKEY: Strong word. HOPE: I know. MICKEY: I don't know what's worse... HOPE: Yeah. MICKEY: Being allergic is 'treatable', I heard.. HOPE: Right. MICKEY: But HATE? I don't know, that's... HOPE: ...Permanent. MICKEY: Extreme. HOPE: Totally. MICKEY: Permanent, huh? Beat. MICKEY: How, how permanent? HOPE: Pretty permanent. MICKEY: Okay. HOPE: I mean, I'd say about ninety three percent permanent. Gotta leave some room for improvement, you know? Growth mindset right here. MICKEY: So seven percent chance for Steel to win you over then. HOPE: Steel? The dog? Yeah, no. He's got none. But I'd say there's seven percent chance that I could TOLERATE him. Say, if I had to. MICKEY: I see. Why, why would you have to? HOPE: Well, if I saw him, like, here and there. You know, around. I'd be bothered, of course. But only ninety three percent of the time. MICKEY: Bothered. HOPE: Yeah... I'd say, I'd be hot and bothered. MICKEY: Oh. Hot and bothered? How... how hot and bothered would you get...? HOPE: We're still talking about the dog, right? MICKEY: Yeah. The dog. HOPE: Well, I'd get too bothered to walk a dog. Like, I'd NEVER do it. MICKEY: Okay, okay. HOPE: Like, not even in an emergency. No, NOT a dog walker, not me. MICKEY: So... hypothetically, if there was a fire in the house.... Would you take Steel out then? HOPE: If my tears don't blow it out you mean? MICKEY: It's a serious question. HOPE: Okay? Um, sure, I'd save a dog from a FIRE. MICKEY: Okay, and... say there was a flood or something, would you save him then? 'Cause dogs don't swim. HOPE: I guess so. MICKEY: Okay. And if there was an earthquake, and Steel would be under rocks and debris in the kitchen or something...would you pick him up from under the rocks and rescue him? HOPE: Yeah, of course. Look I may not like dogs and all, but I'm not an asshole. Beat. MICKEY: Okay, cool. HOPE: cool? MICKEY: Yeah, it's all clear, the rules here. (beat) The rules of this game you're playing. HOPE: I'm not playing a game. MICKEY: Good. I'm not either. To be continued... In another unison, Hope and Mickey break the kiss and face the audience:
The next dialogue is all TO THE AUDIENCE: HOPE: The chemistry was electric, it was -- MIKEY: -- HOT! Burning flames hot. Fireworks hot. Her lips were soft but -- HOPE: -- His tongue was wild. Looping around mine like it was a snake or -- MICKEY: -- Something fierce! Never felt such passion in a kiss. HOPE: Never kissed a man without knowing his name. MICKEY: In love making... sure! But in a kiss!? HOPE: Does that make me a slut? Wait, no. MICKEY: Must be what it's like between souls mates. HOPE: I shouldn't use that word. It's sexist. MICKEY: I bet she's wondering the same thing. HOPE: Shouldn't use 'Should' either. My therapist says. MICKEY: We're so in sync. Like sparks from the same star dust! HOPE: Oh to hell with words! Who cares!? It's all semantics! MICKEY: Be still my heart for I have found my Julietta! HOPE: I'll be a fucking SLUT if I want to be! They turn to face each other: MICKEY: That was... HOPE: Yeah. MICKEY: ...Very good. HOPE: Yeah. MICKEY: Very... HOPE: ...Unexpected. MICKEY: Yeah. Hope notices the dog nearby staring menacingly. HOPE: Was he... watching? MICKEY: He likes to watch. It's a dog thing. HOPE: Okay... MICKEY: Does it bother you? I can put him down if it bothers you. HOPE: What? MICKEY: No, not like THAT! Jesus I mean... Steel! SIT. SIT down. SIT! The dog obliges. MICKEY: He looks a little scary but he's actually a teddy bear. Very gentle heart. Nothing to be scared of. He won't bite you, honest. HOPE: I'm not scared. Beat. HOPE: I'm allergic. Hearing that - Mickey gives an 'Oh, SHIT' look to the audience. To Be Continued... Mickey is taking a look at the hood of Hope's truck.
MICKEY: Um, yeah. You're gonna need a new engine. Yours got metal in it. How long you been driving like this? HOPE: What....I got the truck on Craig's List two weeks ago. The guy said it was tip top shape! MICKEY: Yeah, it's... not. Sorry. HOPE: Fuck! The guy said... oh what the hell, it was cheap. I should have known. My bad. Hope turns to address the ice cream truck: HOPE: It was short lived, but I want you to know little lady, that it was my pleasure ending your days with you! You shall be missed. And maybe you can survive a tiny bit longer so I can get out of this heat? Pretty please? Beat. Mickey looks at Hope in awe. MICKEY: How do you do that? HOPE: Do what? MICKEY: Switch up like that? Change your mood....like instantly. HOPE: I don't know, I just...do. MICKEY: Not me. I hold on to things too much...like if I wake up on the wrong side...I stay wrong ALL DAY. HOPE: CBD. MICKEY: Say what? HOPE: CBD can help with that. MICKEY: I don't do drugs. Just alcohol. It's my vice. HOPE: CBD is harmless. It's pure. It's natural. MICKEY: So is alcohol. HOPE: Yeah that's not true. MICKEY: Tequila is from a plant. Wine is from grapes. Beer is a barley. Whiskey is a grain. HOPE: I meant harmless. Alcohol is NOT harmless. Like, not one bit. MICKEY: Okay, whatever. HOPE: Look, I'm just saying... MICKEY: Got it! You're just saying 'alcohol is bad for you, take years off of your life, eats up your liver, blah blah blah' I heard it all before... HOPE: It's fine, we all have vices. MICKEY: Yeah? Well my vice is alcohol and I'm not giving it up! Beat. HOPE: Did I push a button? Sorry, it wasn't my intention. MICKEY: It's fine! Nothing was pushed! I'm "just saying" alcohol is natural too. Correcting you on that. Treating women equally. So if you make a mistake, I say it. Like fighting for justice, for alcohol's sake. HOPE: Fighting for justice. In the sake of equality and...alcohol? MICKEY: That's right. HOPE: Okay. I appreciate your FEMINIST agenda and thank you for mansplaining what alcohol is. I had NO idea what it was until you elevated my brain cells with all that useful information! MICKEY: Hey, what are you getting all mad about!? HOPE: NOTHING!! MICKEY: (To the audience) And there it was. Our first fight. It came a little faster than expected. But my old man always said you gotta see how someone fights with you when you meet them. Like, it's a test. If they're game to fight with you, then they're game to talk to you. Like, truthfully. It's an extreme method, and doesn't always work, but here....in this moment...with this angel I couldn't figure out, it felt right. Mickey goes back to a STARING MATCH with Hope. MICKEY: You sure LOOK mad. HOPE: Am NOT. MICKEY: Am TOO. HOPE: I SAID I'M NOT! MICKEY: WELL I AM! HOPE: (To the audience) And then, maybe it was the blasting heat or the adrenaline from the fire, or the fear that he would kill me. Or maybe it was the sweat on his chest. But I had to, just had to... hold on. Better show than tell: MICKEY: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? HOPE: FOR YOU DUMMY! MICKEY: WHO YOU CALLING DUMMY? THE WORD's DYSLEXIC. HOPE: OH THANKS FOR CLARIFYING! MICKEY: YOU'RE WELCOME! HOPE: YEAH? MICKEY: FUCK YEAH! And in unison, Hope and Mickey leap on to each other for a passionate as-hot-as-it-gets type of a KISS. To Be Continued... At the entry of her truck, Hope holds her phone out of view from Mickey and tries to make a phone call, but....
HOPE: (To the audience) Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Motherfucker! Pardon my language, but my phone has no service in this shit dump of a place and I am gonna fucking lose it! At this point I'm like ninety nine point nine percent sure this guy is planning to eradicate me from this planet. I mean the way he looks at me is like a tiger drooling over his prey. So I gotta just GO. Yeah, to hell with yoga, and the mere chance that he may be telling the truth and is actually a random dude who is not out to get me in any way. To hell with it all. In fact, I'm not even gonna say goodbye. Hope walks defiantly back to the truck, turns it on....but it doesn't move. She tries again. Some nondescript curses are heard from within. Then, in shame Hope exits the truck. MICKEY: I was wondering why you left the music on for so long. It eats up your gas y'know. HOPE: It does? MICKEY: (To the audience) I am coming on too strong, I can feel it. I never been good at hiding my feelings. Those people with poker face on? Not me. I am what you call...transparent. My emotions are all drawn out on my face. She must have noticed me imagining her with a wedding gown on looking like the most stunning angel in the universe... and got freaked out. Man! I gotta be cool. Gotta play it cool, like 'I don't care'. I'm COOL. Like, like...Elvis. Mickey turns to Hope acting all 'cool'. MICKEY: It's all right if you wanna leave. I'll get by. Always do. HOPE: No...that was... It was part of my yoga routine. Turning on the engine gets me centered and ready...to relax. Sometimes I just turn it on and drive in circles. Chanting. And...stuff. MICKEY: Oh. Your yoga moves sound angry. HOPE: I mean, the thing about monks being all chill, walking slow and talking really quiet? it's not true. Even monks curse. Everybody knows that. MICKEY: Well I don't know too much 'bout yoga, or monks. Know a thing or two about cars though. I worked in a car shop practically since I was a kid. With my dad. D'you want.... d'you want me to take a look at it for you? HOPE: Um... MICKEY: Hey, I got nothing else to do... HOPE: (To the audience) What if I'm wrong about him? Say I leave him here. Then, I go off live my life, NOT being killed by a random vicious serial killer out in the desert, but then I watch the news from some diner or something, about how 'a shirtless man was found deceased on a side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Evidence shows someone came to rescue him and tend to his burning car, but alas that mystery person left him to DIE and should burn in hell for it!' Or, come back deformed or something. I haven't decided yet on my after life. Or.... if I give him a ride out of here.... assuming he can fix my car.... he could shred me to pieces and I'll be eaten by his dog or something. Ew. Or... or he's perfectly normal and we go on and live happily ever after. I mean, he gets his life back, and I get mine. MICKEY: Least I can do for saving my life, is help you get out of here so you can live yours. Hope contemplates, and then heads to her truck and lifts the hood of the truck up. MICKEY: All right, let's get all greasy and shredded! HOPE: (To the audience) Did he just say....shredded?!? To be continued... HOPE: (to the audience)
I know a thing or two about psychopaths. I lived with my dad for about eighteen years before he tried to kill me and got into prison for it. Well, he went to prison because he killed three other people: Some homeless guy, someone he worked with in construction, and... my mom. He talked about it for years before he finally went ahead and did it. It was all a joke at first, talking about how he'd like to hurt her, chop her head off, dismember her body. Just like Mickey here. It wasn't a big deal. He just threw those words up in the air like they were nothing. I thought it was nothing. 'I was naive' the cops said. 'Nobody imagines people to be so vile' they said. Well, I may be a hippie weird wallflower but I'm not naive. Not anymore. And Mickey talkin' about ways to die.... pretty messed up if you ask me. MICKEY: (to the audience) Did I say the wrong thing? I have a feeling I messed things up. Always do that with the ladies! My mouth is just...like a savage old bull that refuses to be tamed. I mean, when I was quiet I swear to god I think she liked me. The looks she gave me, the body language, all open and sweet...we hugged for like, ETERNITY. And now all of the sudden I'm getting some feeling like she just wants to go away. Leave me stranded here, and go off in her fucking adorable truck. Knew it was too good to be true...'My goddess love of my life woman comes to my rescue like an angel, saving my life and we go off and get married or whatever, hell we even have babies and shit, and live happily ever after.' My old man always said I live in my head, make up stories, imagine shit that can't happen. 'Naive' he called me. He called me naive. HOPE: (to the audience) I could just call someone. I got my phone in the car charging. I could call Sam and Linda from the campsite. They're only thirty miles away. I tell them this guy needs help, but I'm scared because I'm a woman traveling alone...and maybe they'll, they'll come help out. And I'll just buy some time 'till they get here. Or I could just leave. But... I don't know, it feels. Like, it feels like the wrong thing to do. MICKEY: Hey, did I...did I say something wrong? HOPE: What? No. All good, man. (to the audience) What is he like a psychic too!? A psychic psychopath. Woah. You'd think he'd go places much higher than this dump over here. like... Wall street, or politics. MICKEY: Because, I...I sometimes talk funny when I'm nervous. HOPE: Yeah? I mean. Like, why are you nervous? MICKEY: I don't know you, you don't know me. I'm not so good at first impressions. But you're excellent at them! At first impressions. See, I talk funny. Can't help myself. It's like my mind goes numb or something'.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. HOPE: Don't apologize, you're fine! Everybody gets nervous. MICKEY: You too? HOPE: I'm nervous right now. MICKEY: Why's that? HOPE: I did just cry into a fire and made it go away with my tears. It was... a lot. I'd say that's about the closest I had to a mystical experience, you know? MICKEY: (to the audience) THANK GOD! It's not me. She DOES like me. We WILL get married and have babies and live happily ever after and shit! Who you callin' naive dad!? I gotta, gotta be on my A game now. Whatever that is. (to Hope) Must be, uh, must be an overwhelmin' experience. HOPE: (to the audience) I'm pretty sure he's studying me right now, priming me, so he could kidnap me and lock me in a basement somewhere. He must be really good at it, because, like, I almost... it's like...I BELIEVE him. (to Mickey) It is. I think I may need to, um, breathe a little before I drive again.. get grounded. I know! I'll do yoga. MICKEY: Right, right now? HOPE: All we have is now. MICKEY: My God, you are so beautiful. (Pause) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I mean what you said is...so beautiful. Hope blushes and heads to the truck to get her yoga mat and her PHONE. To be continued... |
AuthorIn April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling. Categories
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Header Art: Daniel Landerman |